Category Archives: self discovery

In Cognito

May-be if I go In Cognito, I won’t hear them when I step foot out my door. E.V.E.R.Ywhere. A.L.L the. time.

You would think I was a celebrity. Or a freak show. And this isn’t even when 1 (or all 3) have a meltdown in public. Oh no, this is when they are all well-behaved, polite and obedient. When I’m letting out a shout of relief the second I close the van door, doing fist pumps and giving air high fives to each of them, maybe even rewarding them with a sweet treat for making me look good. Or so I think….

It seems I was given a short reprieve but lately they are starting up again. Sure, occasionally, I get a few tender smiles at the sight of my clan and maybe they’ll even talk to them as if they’re, I don’t know, human and when one of the wave back or even blow a kiss on their own accord, an even bigger smile comes over their face as if we’ve made their day by coming to the store all together. But sadly, (at least here, at this point in history) the majority of the reactions are the raise of the eyebrows, the enlarged eyeballs, the double takes, the comments. Oh, the comments.

I suppose they are right. Who in their right mind would have 3 little ones, pregnant and pushing a cart piled HIGH and WIDE cruising each and every aisle of Costco (or Target or IKEA or shit, shoot, I’ve gotten them lately in my very own gated front yard) and actually be smiling through it all? 😉

“SO, is this four and counting?” “Three….(counting heads) and another? How do you do it?” (shaking head in disbelief) “You aren’t pregnant UH-GAIN are you???” (in a tone as if I’m doing WRONG or in trouble! haha) or my all-time favorite….”Was this planned?/Oops, was this a surprise?” Well….if you must know the intimate business that goes on in my own bedroom, let me explain. When you and your husband believe it is a privilege to procreate with the Master and Creator of the universe, and you trust Him in ALL things, and you are in less than 20% of the population who believe in the authority of the Catholic Church as the Church Christ Himself established ( Matthew 16:18) and actually practice Her teachings, oh, and I almost forgot the most important part, when you make love, a precious new life might be the result. Did you hear me??? Not a ‘burden’ (as it seems you view your child right now), not a ‘hindrance’ or an ‘annoyance’ Not even a ‘baby’…A PRECIOUS NEW LIFE!!!

It used to bother me. It really did. But now, I think it’s funny. Hilarious, actually and I have a good little chuckle inside. Because I know Satan is trying so hard to discourage me. That’s his job.

And it’s my job to roll up my sleeves, pack up the crew, take them out, put a smile on my face and carry my cross. Because He really carries it for us if we let Him. And He gives us the grace (when we ask) each and every day through each and every frustrating moment (& yes, there are a lot of frustrating moments when you are serving others 24/7). But His grace is enough! And that’s how I do it!

And I think of the hundreds of thousands of women out there (like Michelle Duggard & her husband- what an incredibly inspiring couple, not even Catholic, mind you) who get it. Who understand that through our children we are sanctified. They are our path to holiness. That through them, we are challenged, we are stretched, we die to ourselves over and over and over again. We grow, we become better than we could have ever been. We come one step closer to that person we were created to be. We become saints.

And that’s my life long goal anyway.

Family of Five

Our first official photo as a family of five. Ignore the fact that the females are sitting far from lady-like and the boy is halfway dressed.  Not too bad considering naps and feedings were completely thrown off “schedule” (very loosely used) due to 2 parties and 3 stops, hours away from home, in one day.… Continue Reading

In Due Time

So for the record keeping, today is baby Soren’s official due date. I despise that phrase. Its very wording implies readiness, completion, the time has arrived, as if that is the finish line when you can kiss sleepless nights, severe middle-of-the-night hot flashes, achy lower backs and throbbing crotches (yes, I just said that in… Continue Reading

Why Lent?

Wikipedia gives a sensible explanation but here are my personal reflections: Seconds after snapping this photo, the thought came to me, a revelation actually, since I don’t think my puny little mind could have come up with this on my own, that even all of nature is preparing for that glorious day. Every morning while… Continue Reading


Warning: This is not my typical upbeat, cheerful post so if you are looking for something positive to start your week off, you probably want to stop reading now.  (But as a combo family scrapbook and personal diary, this is my free therapy to help me, coupled with prayer, gain some peace of mind and… Continue Reading