In Cognito

May-be if I go In Cognito, I won’t hear them when I step foot out my door. E.V.E.R.Ywhere. A.L.L the. time.

You would think I was a celebrity. Or a freak show. And this isn’t even when 1 (or all 3) have a meltdown in public. Oh no, this is when they are all well-behaved, polite and obedient. When I’m letting out a shout of relief the second I close the van door, doing fist pumps and giving air high fives to each of them, maybe even rewarding them with a sweet treat for making me look good. Or so I think….

It seems I was given a short reprieve but lately they are starting up again. Sure, occasionally, I get a few tender smiles at the sight of my clan and maybe they’ll even talk to them as if they’re, I don’t know, human and when one of the wave back or even blow a kiss on their own accord, an even bigger smile comes over their face as if we’ve made their day by coming to the store all together. But sadly, (at least here, at this point in history) the majority of the reactions are the raise of the eyebrows, the enlarged eyeballs, the double takes, the comments. Oh, the comments.

I suppose they are right. Who in their right mind would have 3 little ones, pregnant and pushing a cart piled HIGH and WIDE cruising each and every aisle of Costco (or Target or IKEA or shit, shoot, I’ve gotten them lately in my very own gated front yard) and actually be smiling through it all? 😉

“SO, is this four and counting?” “Three….(counting heads) and another? How do you do it?” (shaking head in disbelief) “You aren’t pregnant UH-GAIN are you???” (in a tone as if I’m doing WRONG or in trouble! haha) or my all-time favorite….”Was this planned?/Oops, was this a surprise?” Well….if you must know the intimate business that goes on in my own bedroom, let me explain. When you and your husband believe it is a privilege to procreate with the Master and Creator of the universe, and you trust Him in ALL things, and you are in less than 20% of the population who believe in the authority of the Catholic Church as the Church Christ Himself established ( Matthew 16:18) and actually practice Her teachings, oh, and I almost forgot the most important part, when you make love, a precious new life might be the result. Did you hear me??? Not a ‘burden’ (as it seems you view your child right now), not a ‘hindrance’ or an ‘annoyance’ Not even a ‘baby’…A PRECIOUS NEW LIFE!!!

It used to bother me. It really did. But now, I think it’s funny. Hilarious, actually and I have a good little chuckle inside. Because I know Satan is trying so hard to discourage me. That’s his job.

And it’s my job to roll up my sleeves, pack up the crew, take them out, put a smile on my face and carry my cross. Because He really carries it for us if we let Him. And He gives us the grace (when we ask) each and every day through each and every frustrating moment (& yes, there are a lot of frustrating moments when you are serving others 24/7). But His grace is enough! And that’s how I do it!

And I think of the hundreds of thousands of women out there (like Michelle Duggard & her husband- what an incredibly inspiring couple, not even Catholic, mind you) who get it. Who understand that through our children we are sanctified. They are our path to holiness. That through them, we are challenged, we are stretched, we die to ourselves over and over and over again. We grow, we become better than we could have ever been. We come one step closer to that person we were created to be. We become saints.

And that’s my life long goal anyway.

3 Responses to In Cognito

  1. High fives and chest bumps from us muellers….
    I remember when dan and I first started going to the catholic family conferences and I see the big vans in the parking lot and thought how cool and those lucky and blessed families!!!
    Hope to see you tomorrow.

  2. you are brave girl…i cant even make it to/through a store with TWO kids! i dont even try anymore. i wait until ryan gets home and do that stuff at night. but then again, mine (well, the eldest) is never on his best behavior!

  3. Touche, right on, and “That’s my Girl (Woman)!” Stick firm to your convictions, as I know you will, and remember, as I know you will, that truth always prevails. I’m very, very proud of you and Dean for your unwavering faith and obedience to your conscience. You inspire me to aspire on a daily basis. THANK YOU!

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