disclaimer: (at the strong urge of the hubster), this blog post is probably TMI for y’all. It is definitely more of a journal entry, some personal reflections for myself that I know I will appreciate one day. As well as, perhaps, our future 4th child 😉
Well, it’s back. After 15 months of bliss. It surprised me so much that I had to call on my pops to bring me a box of tampons on his way home from work. Talk about feeling like a teenager again! 😉 Despite the frequent nursing (nearly around the clock lately), my body seems to be automatically programmed to return to fertility at 6 months postpartum. Sigh. So the discernment process begins. The discussion. The questions. Do I feel physically and emotionally ready for another baby? Does Dean feel a financial burden too heavy to carry? Does Soren deserve a healthy, energetic mommy to care for him for a certain period longer? Do we really have a serious reason to postpone or avoid pregnancy? Is it even in our control to worry about? All kinds of natural thoughts. All part of Natural Family Planning. But the genius behind it is that it’s a practice of virtue, resting upon self-control, inner freedom, respect, trust, communication, and reverence to God’s plan for love and marriage. And ultimately, I come back to the same conclusion. Despite our feelings, our fears, our desire for comfort and the deceiving thoughts that we’re even in control of this, do I trust Him or not? Do I trust that He knows me better than I know myself? Do I trust that He knows my desires and my needs better than I do? Do I trust He ultimately has a plan for my life, a perfect will that He wants to carry out with my cooperation and obedience? Do. I. trust. Him. 100%. with everything that I am? And do I believe that He gives life and takes it away. That it is His to give. That children are always a blessing. Always. And so, I put it in His hands once again. My fertility. Our family size. He could bless us with another child in a month, in a year or not at all. It’s sorta scary but mostly exciting! 😉
Besides, how could I say ‘no’ to another one of these???
“Our Father in heaven, hallowed by your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as in heaven.”