In Due Time

So for the record keeping, today is baby Soren’s official due date. I despise that phrase. Its very wording implies readiness, completion, the time has arrived, as if that is the finish line when you can kiss sleepless nights, severe middle-of-the-night hot flashes, achy lower backs and throbbing crotches (yes, I just said that in our family scrapbook) goodbye and finally welcome your beautiful baby into your soft arms and gaze upon his familiar face!  
Well, not necessarily, especially with my history.  I suppose in the big picture, this is true but in my case, this milestone is simply the catalyst for the beginning of an emotional roller coaster. I tried so hard from the earliest days of the pregnancy  to minimize this dreaded specific date. I thought I was smart. I would tell people I was ‘due’ at the end of June, beginning of July even. But people are brutal. They insisted on knowing the date, so they could proceed to tell me about why that date was so significant or special to them, going on and on in gory detail adding way more emphasis to that day than I wished to accept.   
Really, people? Anyway, more than the disappointment that the day has come and passed,
 I am reminded again as it was with the 1st 2 pregnancy’s of this helpless feeling of the unknown. Not knowing when he will arrive. Will it be tomorrow or in 2 weeks? (Please God, no!) Not knowing how he will arrive. Will it happen spontaneously and suddenly when I’m out and about, completely vulnerable and dependent on the compassion and care of total strangers, will I be home or will I discover on Friday fluid levels are low and I need to schedule an induction? Once again, I am reminded of our human tendency for the desire for control and the internal battle to surrender and trust my Lord who knows all things and perfects all things. So for now, it’s a lesson on living in the present moment and taking each and every day as a gift, discomfort and all.
And to help not dwell on dates and number of days ‘overdue’, in the meantime there are plenty of things to keep my attention and help to distract me. Like say, sewing pillow covers for our bed while being entertained watching The Mr. and hearing him grunt & groan to his P90x work out. 

  Here’s to more nesting until the shell is ready to crack! 😉

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